the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
