I need help removing her.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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