He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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