I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
