don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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