i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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