she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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