she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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