I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
