i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
