The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
