fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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