It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
