There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
