do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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