My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
