Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize