the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
