Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
