Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

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(815): View more from Illinois

im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

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(713): View more from Texas

Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?

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(416): View more from Toronto

But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures

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(713): View more from Texas

AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...

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(702): View more from Nevada

I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends

(310): View more from California

Pharmasutra?

(702): View more from Nevada

Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms

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