the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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