I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize