is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
