The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
