I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
