The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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