i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
