Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
