one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
