he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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