Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
