I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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