Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
