...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
