My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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