ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
