like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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