I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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