If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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