as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
