Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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