I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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