Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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