Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
