I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
