Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
