I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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