Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
