theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
