I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
