She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
