This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
