My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can I color on your dick again?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
