Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
