so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
