She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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