Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need water and some morals
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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