I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
