You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize