i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
