so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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