We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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