u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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