i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
