why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
