you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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