my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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