I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
