We're like a lot better than the average bears
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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