she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
