And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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