Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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