So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
