Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
