You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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